Memories of Toddler Torture

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Have you ever felt like you were having a day when everyone was trying to piss you off on purpose?  Like no matter where you went or who you ran into, you just happened to end up either in front of or on the phone with someone who was dying to spill diarrhea from their mouth?

I had one of those days every day this week. Since it was one of my New Year’s Resolutions to call people out when they spew stupidity “CACA” style in front of me, I’m going to say it’s safe to give myself a pat on the back here.  Not only am I doing a fantastic job at keeping my News Resolution going strong well into February but, once again I shock myself with the amount of self control I have gained over the years!

taco bell bathroom

On a more positive note we had us a birthday in the house this week!  I started out the birthday boys day by jumping up and down on his bed as Thing 3 ran circles around the room while rapping the Happy Birthday beat!  Trust me when I say waking him up like this was not only totally called for but, it was necessary.  I’m not sure I will EVER get over the way this kid woke me up every morning during his entire toddler years.  For several years, he would slither into my room so quietly and so slow he managed to miss every floor board that could possibly creak.  Then, he would jump up on the side of my bed and scream bloody murder IN MY FACE.  There are no words to explain what your heart will feel like if your child ever does this to you.  I could never remember because by the time I caught my breath the only thing I could see was his little Spider-man undies running down the hall as he giggled with glee that he got me again!

Even though Thing 2 turned 12 this year the only thing he talked about all day was that he was almost a teenager.  I hope this isn’t an indication that he will follow in his big sisters footsteps and think his sh*t doesn’t stink from that day forward!  Seeing that I’ve already done this once my tolerance level isn’t quite as high and I don’t see that plan working out well for him.

Another exciting thing about this week is that Tuesday was 1 year of blog posts for Dysfunctional Dose!  

So much has happened in my life this last year it’s hard for even me to keep up!  I have no idea how you guys do it.  I wish I had more time to write more often because it is always so much fun for me when I do.  I have learned so much this last year about myself, my family, and so many of you.  I truly am grateful for all the emails, comments, and words of encouragement from each one of you.

Thank you to each one of you for sticking around for the next Dysfunctional Dose story.  If you haven’t made yourself comfortable yet please take a peek around and stay a while.  I could probably promise under oath that my kids will never stop doing stupid sh*t and I will never be able to shut my big mouth!

So, has anyone else’s child tortured them in the morning hours?  Someone please tell me I’m not alone!


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  • Nikki

    I guess I missed an entire page of comments yesterday… today was an evil too!! I am just now able to get on my blog BOOO!

  • Nikki

    Thanks AnnMarie! Sadly, I still have one that wakes me up like that!! lol

  • Nikki

    And you too! We are too much alike..I read all of yours on my phone and I never comment from my phone. Then, I flag them because I have a strong opinion about something and forget to go into the computer to type it all in. OR, I start typing it from my phone and it takes too long so I back out!

  • AnnMarie

    You are totally not alone. Nico used to wake me up every single morning singing, “Mommy, I got poooo pooooo. Come and chaaaange meeee.” Every.Single.Morning. (until he could go himself).
    Happy 1 year!

  • tiffani goff

    Happy Blogiversary! I see you and I are of the same mindset, no energy to make a big hoopla about our one year. You aren’t alone and I always read your posts even if I don’t always comment. Sometimes I read them on my phone and commenting on a phone is way too complicated for me. xoxo tiffani

  • The Dose of Reality

    Happy Birthday, Thing 2!!! Whoo Hoo for 12!!

    Have I even had a day where it seemed like everyone was trying to piss me off? YES!! IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!! :) GAH!!!